Today is our five year anniversary, as my husband decided to remind me this morning while I was sitting on the toilet. True love is when your man kisses you goodbye on the crapper! In all seriousness, that is the reality of marriage. It isn’t all flowers and days full of sunshine.
Speaking of crap, we have been through more than out share of it. We’ve raised my two sons and his three. That in itself is a hurdle to cross. We opened two business pursuing our dreams, only to lose them after the accident. And let’s not forget the accident that flipped our world upside down. I’ve had to become a stay-at-home mom, which was something I never wanted to do. I love my boys and I rock this new position, but it definitely wasn’t in my plans for my life. We’ve lost both of our grandmothers, my husbands grandfather, my uncle and 18 year old cousin. I’ve lost several people that I called friends. And all of that was in the last five years.
I’m sure it sounds like I’m whining. And to some degree, I am. That’s a lot of crap to deal with in five years. But at the end of the day, we choose to marry someone that is going to stick around, even during all of life’s crap. I would love to say our marriage has been full of nothing but love and weekend trips and roses and petals. But that isn’t the reality of marriage and statistics tell us that’s not anyone else’s reality either, no matter how much people try to convince you it is on social media.
I am thankful that I have a husband who sticks by me, even when I am acting like a crazy menopausal lunitc. I’m thankful that when he had his mini breakdown after the accident, I didn’t kill him and was able to love him through it (pretty sure he’s thankful about too). And I am thankful that through all of the crappy times, we’ve been able to stay together and love each other through them.
What more could a girl ask for than that?
Love & blessings,
Lately, I have been thinking about the measure of my life. Perhaps it was losing so many of my family members in such a short period of time. Or it could have been almost losing the boys in the accident and Alex twice more after that. It could be because my 20 year high school reunion is this year. More than likely, it is because I am going to be, ummm, 40 next year.
What have I really accomplished in those 40 years? What about all of the dreams I had for my life? How will I check off these bucket list items, and who in the world thought it was a good idea to pressure people to create bucket lists in the first place?!?!
My life simply didn’t turn out like I intended it to and most likely, my life is already half way over. For all I know, it could be over tomorrow. Three generations from now, no one will remember me, other than by name. I will be a person that family members tell stories about. My image only captured by photographs. Sounds quite melodramatic, but it is simply the truth. The earth is billions of years old. My short time here means nothing against those numbers.
I’ve come to terms that my life is not going to have this monumental change on the world that can be measured. I won’t be famous for a medical breakthrough. Obviously, and if you know me, I most definitely will not be a Grammy award winning singer. I will never be the President of the United States. Thankfully, I believe that God does have purpose for me here, even if it cannot be measured by those standards.
After the accident, we started using the saying, “You only get one life, so live it.” I’m trying to determine now what it means to actually live. What is happiness? At the end of my life, can I say that it was worth it all?
I don’t have the answers to these questions. What I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that I have raised strong and loving boys, and they may actually change the world. I have a feeling that it will be all of those small moments in my life that add up in the end to have created a life worth living for. At least, that’s what I’m hoping for…
Love and blessings,
Menopause. Seriously?!?! I am 38 years old, and according to the doctor … in full-blown menopause. I thought the doctor had to be wrong. Or at least making a not-so-funny joke. Nope, the second labs confirmed the diagnosis.
I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean c’mon, my body was surely going to have some type of protest after the last year. Losing my Nannie then the accident and subsequent months in the hospital. That would take its toll on anyone. Also, did y’all know the IRS audited us 3 days after the wreck?? Nope, not kidding. And they didn’t care that we were in the hospital with our children or that they might die. Carla from Bookkeeping Plus was such a blessing and took over everything AND made several trips to Vanderbilt. Did I mention that her and her team put in numerous hours and didn’t even charge us??? There were other trials that we endured this year but I have decided to wait until I finish the book to discuss them. Needless to say, if menopause is the worst of it, then I am fortunate.
At first, I wasn’t going to talk about this but with only my closet family and friends. It is kind of embarrassing to admit that I am going through the “change of life” and I am not even 40. That is what older women do, right??? But after thinking about it, I decided to hell with that!
My body has earned the right to go into full-blown menopause at any age! After all, I have birthed 2 beautiful boys. I have endured levels of stress that most could only imagine. I am still standing strong. And best of all…. I haven’t committed a physical assault on anyone!! Plus, I now have the perfect excuse. It isn’t my fault, blame it on the menopause 😉
With Mother’s Day just a few days away, I am reminded why I am proud to be a woman. To be a mother. They say being a mother is the hardest job in the world. I absolutely freaking agree!!! It is also the most rewarding thing a woman can ever experience. Yes, we have to deal with all of the drama of being a woman, including trivial little matters like menopause. But at the end of it all, anything and everything is worth the joy of being a mother. To be a mother, I will embrace menopause and everything else that comes with it.
Love and blessings,