Author: C.C. Hasty

I believe in the power of prayer. Let me show you why...

Step Out In Faith

by C.C. Hasty, posted in Blessed, God Is Good, Uncategorized

I had not seen my grandmothers tombstone since it was installed two weeks after the accident (she died a few months before). Nor had I visited my grandfather. There wasn’t time the first several months after the accident. It is also a long drive and something I was afraid to face alone, but God had placed it on my heart in the last week to finally make the time to do it. On Sunday, I knew I could no longer put it off.

I don’t find comfort in visiting gravesite’s, as some do. I remember a conversation my Nannie and I once had about visiting Drew’s gravesite after the tombstone was installed. He was my 18-year-old cousin who tragically died a few years ago in a car accident. She found comfort visiting it, I didn’t. And here I was on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, staring at hers. Faced with the reality of time from that conversation to the present and all that had happened in the last year. Forced to confront the fact that one of my worst fears had come to pass. My Nannie, who was my best friend, was really gone.

I cried for all I was worth. I cried because my heart aches from missing her. I cried for what my boys have been through. I cried for what I have been through. A huge part of me wanted to suck up the tears and run. But I knew that wasn’t why God had led me there. It was finally time to accept that she was really gone. It was time to deal with the emotions of everything my family has been through since the accident. It was finally time to grieve.

As I was leaving after visiting with my grandfather, he told me that he had prayed the previous night for God to give him a good day. I was the answer to his prayer and God’s miracle for him. You see, God knew a week ago that he would need a visit from family to remind him that he isn’t alone and loved. God knew my heart couldn’t carry the weight of hurt I had been carrying around anymore. He knew from the minute he placed it on my heart a week ago.

Sometimes God asks us to do things that we know will ultimately cause us pain. We don’t understand the reason, but He does. If God has asked you to do something, just remember that He doesn’t bring us to it to leave us there in that place of pain and hurt. He will bring you through it, to a place of healing and restoration. You can trust in Him.

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Love and blessings,

C.C.

 

 

 

And they call me…..

by C.C. Hasty, posted in Blessed, Mom, Uncategorized, Wheelchair

My husband told me several days ago that Jackson asked him if I would get mad if he called me mom. I knew he had been thinking about something along these lines by the questions he had been asking lately. I should start by explaining why Jackson would be contemplating such a thing. We have had full custody of my husband’s three boys for over 4 years. Jackson doesn’t remember a time that he didn’t live with us and our 13-year-old has been calling me mom for a couple of years. When they first moved in, I explained to them that I was not their mom and didn’t ever want to take her place. My name is C.C. and that is what they could call me. When Jacob first starting calling me mom I was concerned. After giving it much thought, I realized that he was old enough to make that choice on his own and needed me to fill the void that he was feeling by his mom not being in his life consistently.

I am explaining this because so many people simply don’t know that our youngest boys are not mine biologically. I treat them as if they are my own. In my heart they are. When my husband and I married, we said vows not to just each other, but to our children as well. The  wedding ceremony was more about showing them through action that we were combining our family together and making commitments not just between husband and wife, but most importantly to them. If you have read any of my previous posts, you will remember that after the accident that Alex pleaded with the paramedics to help his brothers. We are not a blended family. We are family.

I believe that being a mother is about more than just giving birth. Being a mother isn’t the name your children call you. Being a mother is shown by actions. It is a verb. It means taking them to doctor appointments, making them do their homework and brush their teeth. It means teaching them right and wrong. To hold the door open for women and lift the toilet seat when they use the bathroom (let’s be real here). It means sleepless nights when they are sick. Hugs when they need comfort and discipline when they choose to not follow rules. I treat my husbands boys as I would my own, in every possible way. Of course I want them to love me. I want their approval. But I will not and have never been afraid to do what I know in my heart is best for them. My philosophy has always been that they can grow up to hate me and that is okay with me as long as they grow up to be great men. I love them too much to do anything less.

As we were on our way to Vanderbilt today, Jackson finally decided to discuss it with me. Thank God my husband gave me advance notice because I probably would have cried all the way to Nashville and the whole conversation would have been a catastrophe. I explained to him that I would not be upset in the least and that it was his choice to make. I believe that he will continue to call me C.C., simply out of habit. To be honest, it doesn’t really matter. What did matter was that by his question I know that he knows that I love him as a mother should. He knows that even though I am not his biological mother, I have treated him as my son. And at the end of the day, whatever he chooses to call me, that is all that matters.

 

P.S. I know that this is personal and some would perhaps wonder why I choose to share it. There are several reason… First, this blog is about my life and raising our boys after such a tragic event in our lives. Second, I am an open book. I value truth and can’t expect to receive it unless I am willing to give it. Lastly, life is too short to worry about what others think or being afraid to step on toes, so I don’t 🙂

Love and blessings,

C.C.

Training Wheels 

by C.C. Hasty, posted in Blessed, Brothers, Wheelchair

We spent the day cleaning up the yard, pulling weeds and getting ready for summer. I haven’t tended to a garden in two years. I was so busy with work that I didn’t “have” time to. The reality is I prioritized responsibility and forgot to tend to myself. I love being outdoors and do my best thinking pulling weeds and deadheading plants. I have decided this year that I have got to learn to do things for myself too, and gardening is something that soothes my soul.

I tried to convince Jackson to come outside with everyone, but the problem with that is his brothers were riding bikes, and of course he can’t do a lot of what they want to do outside. Before you scream at me for using the word can’t, the reality is there just simply are things that right now he is not able to do. He has to build strength first.

As parents we struggle with balance. We want to keep Jackson happy, and sometimes it is at his brothers expense because they are talked into doing what he wants. His brothers are awesome and tend to want to keep him happy too, but sometimes it’s difficult for them. An example, Jacob wanted to have his birthday party at the Bouncy House. Jackson would not have been able to do all of the things his brothers were doing so we chose to let Jacob have a bonfire and sleep over instead.  It’s a check and balance. All parents understand this, it is just at a new level we are coming to learn.

As I was outside surveying our progress, I noticed Jackson’s tricycle behind the shed. My heart immediately stopped and I was overwhelmed with panic as I tried to remember if Jackson had learned to ride a bike without training wheels. Suddenly I realize he hadn’t. Another thing that he won’t have the chance to remember doing before the accident.

I sometimes wonder how much he will actually remember. Will he remember how it feels to run? Will he remember playing in the waves at the beach? Dragging our feet in the sand to write his name? Will he remember hiking with his brothers and walking through the creek?

My heart grows heavy with thoughts like this. I believe it is normal as a parent to learn to accept what can and can’t be. To process what he has to go through and will go through. These are thoughts that he too has and will have. Answers he will need. But as I sit and contemplate this, he comes outside with his oldest brother and starts practicing casting a fishing real. God reminded me in that moment that there are so many things he can and will do. He has a family that loves him, and brothers that will always protect him and look after him. Despite all that we perceive he has lost, he is so very blessed.

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Love and blessings,

C.C.