Yesterday I experienced one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, in front of customers nonetheless. I don’t usually cry, but yesterday the tears just wouldn’t stop. 

I have been praying ceaselessly for God to give me direction on what I should do with my store, Vintage. It takes time to establish a business in a new location and because of the accident we simply don’t have the capital we need to sustain it. My husband’s auto repair business just isn’t making the funds to provide for itself and our family so their has been added pressure for Vintage to provide an income, which it has not been able to do. 

This weekend was a make it or break it opportunity. We would either make enough money to get ahead or we wouldn’t. I poured everything I had in to it. As it is only myself and my assistant, we worked tirelessly in the heat preparing for the RC Moon Pie Festival in hopes that we would have a profitable weekend. My body aches like it hasn’t in years. 

In the meantime, I have also been seeking a job. There are many reasons why this wasn’t my favorite choice, but the most important reason is I will be unable to be with my family. For me to make any type of money, I will have to take a job in Nashville or somewhere equivalent. This means leaving home at 6am and returning at 6 or 7pm. I will not be able to take our boys to the doctor. Pick Jackson up from school when he isn’t feeling well, which happens a lot. I will also not be able to continue writing my book. As luck or fate would have it, I was offered a job on Friday in Nashville, while preparing for this make it or break it weekend. 

Sometimes God answers us, and it isn’t always what we want to hear. That embarrassing moment was the final nail in the coffin so to speak. My heart simply cannot continue to take that type of embarrassment or disappointment. I can’t continue to strive to do what I love while not being able to provide for my family. Right now we need money more than my children need me. 

I know some think that this is a road block and there will be new beginnings. You can take it to the bank, but there will not be for me. That was my one leap of faith to follow my dream, there will not be another. My heart simply cannot handle it. When this door closes, it will not open again. 

Someone made a comment on my post about how blessed I am. I should remember that I have my children and a husband who loves me. Yes, I am beyond blessed to have my children and thank God for them every single day. But there has been so much more heartache in my life that most couldn’t begin to imagine. I know that God is using me to help others, but I pray that people also remember that in order for me to have this voice and and this level of faith, it has taken insurmountable pain and a lifetime of experiences to earn it. Not just from the accident, but even as a little child. 

I am not perfect. I wish I could be positive and uplifting while I give up the one dream I have ever had the courage to go after. Right now, all I can feel is heartache and sadness. I know that God has a purpose and a plan for my boys. For them I would do or give up anything. And I am, but it doesn’t mean that my heart enjoys making sacrifices. I will do my best to process this as best I can and overcome as I always have, and I know that God will help me through. I just ask that if you can, say a prayer for me in the meantime. 

Love and blessings, 

C.C. Andrews 

7 thoughts on “

  1. C.c. My heart breaks for you. Dreams are wonderful things. Reality is sometimes hell. You are too young to say never again. You are doing the adult thing, providing for your family. Don’t stop writing. C.c. I’m so sorry about Vintage.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 💔
    I’m so sorry you have come to this place. I wish I had the means to “fix” your struggles. I don’t. I’m at a similar crossroads myself. Chase my dream or stop to provide for my family. The tears are real and the heartbreak is immense.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. C.C., I’m so sorry and I will be praying. If you need an ear or a prayer partner I’m here. PM me and I’ll give you my number.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sorry to hear all of this. You’re such an inspiration to others and have an outstanding heart for the Lord. Keep praying and all this will figure its way out! Prayers sent yalls way!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My heart aches for you, as you are going through this another trial. Doors close and others open, I am praying this new door brings to you a dream you had not yet thought of. I know you are a very strong person, even the strong need help. You and your precious family have my prayers. You have my number, don`t hesitate to call me, we will continue to help you as much as we can. With our love and prayers!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dying to dreams sucks. I have died to a few of the them in my life. My one solace is knowing that every season in our life isn’t permanent. Sometimes the death isn’t what we think it is. John 12:24 says, “I assure you: Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains by itself. But if it dies, it produces a large crop.” I am learning to look at my past passions and dreams and come to terms with their end, knowing that this season will pass. Some seeds lie dormant in the ground through the winters of our lives. During that time, give yourself permission to do what is necessary to care for the other areas of your life. Make a plan, set goals, work a job, pay off bills. Pretty soon you will once again feel the urge to dream again. The ground of your vision will begin to warm and the sun will shine. You will be wiser, more at peace and more accepting of where your life has brought you. Before you know it, sweetie, your seeds will sprout, roots will go deep and you will produce a large crop of fresh fruit, a ripe vision you will be prepared to run with. Love you, my friend. Dream with God and allow Him to sign over you. You will dream again! Zephaniah 3:17, “The LORD your God among you is powerful— he will save and he will take joyful delight in you. In his love he will renew you with his love; he will celebrate with singing because of you.”

    Liked by 1 person

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