Category: Uncategorized

And they call me…..

by C.C. Hasty, posted in Blessed, Mom, Uncategorized, Wheelchair

My husband told me several days ago that Jackson asked him if I would get mad if he called me mom. I knew he had been thinking about something along these lines by the questions he had been asking lately. I should start by explaining why Jackson would be contemplating such a thing. We have had full custody of my husband’s three boys for over 4 years. Jackson doesn’t remember a time that he didn’t live with us and our 13-year-old has been calling me mom for a couple of years. When they first moved in, I explained to them that I was not their mom and didn’t ever want to take her place. My name is C.C. and that is what they could call me. When Jacob first starting calling me mom I was concerned. After giving it much thought, I realized that he was old enough to make that choice on his own and needed me to fill the void that he was feeling by his mom not being in his life consistently.

I am explaining this because so many people simply don’t know that our youngest boys are not mine biologically. I treat them as if they are my own. In my heart they are. When my husband and I married, we said vows not to just each other, but to our children as well. The  wedding ceremony was more about showing them through action that we were combining our family together and making commitments not just between husband and wife, but most importantly to them. If you have read any of my previous posts, you will remember that after the accident that Alex pleaded with the paramedics to help his brothers. We are not a blended family. We are family.

I believe that being a mother is about more than just giving birth. Being a mother isn’t the name your children call you. Being a mother is shown by actions. It is a verb. It means taking them to doctor appointments, making them do their homework and brush their teeth. It means teaching them right and wrong. To hold the door open for women and lift the toilet seat when they use the bathroom (let’s be real here). It means sleepless nights when they are sick. Hugs when they need comfort and discipline when they choose to not follow rules. I treat my husbands boys as I would my own, in every possible way. Of course I want them to love me. I want their approval. But I will not and have never been afraid to do what I know in my heart is best for them. My philosophy has always been that they can grow up to hate me and that is okay with me as long as they grow up to be great men. I love them too much to do anything less.

As we were on our way to Vanderbilt today, Jackson finally decided to discuss it with me. Thank God my husband gave me advance notice because I probably would have cried all the way to Nashville and the whole conversation would have been a catastrophe. I explained to him that I would not be upset in the least and that it was his choice to make. I believe that he will continue to call me C.C., simply out of habit. To be honest, it doesn’t really matter. What did matter was that by his question I know that he knows that I love him as a mother should. He knows that even though I am not his biological mother, I have treated him as my son. And at the end of the day, whatever he chooses to call me, that is all that matters.

 

P.S. I know that this is personal and some would perhaps wonder why I choose to share it. There are several reason… First, this blog is about my life and raising our boys after such a tragic event in our lives. Second, I am an open book. I value truth and can’t expect to receive it unless I am willing to give it. Lastly, life is too short to worry about what others think or being afraid to step on toes, so I don’t 🙂

Love and blessings,

C.C.

Pity Party

by C.C. Hasty, posted in Uncategorized

Sometimes God puts things on my heart to share with others. My purpose since the beginning has been to share our story and allow God to be visible through my life. I believe that this is something that I needed to share.

I have seen first hand how social media can make some people seem like they have the most perfect life in the world. I don’t want anyone to ever think that I am the most positive uplifting person they will ever meet. I have never been that person and in fact, shared very early on that I was the most glass half empty person you would have ever met before the accident.

I have days when the enormity of the accident and the changes our lives have taken are overwhelming. I have moments when my heart skips a beat thinking about all that Jackson has lost by becoming paralyzed. I have what ifs. What if I hadn’t wanted to surprise the boys by redecorating their room? What if P.J. and I had went to pick them up from their grandmother’s? What if she had brought them home instead of us needing to ask Alex to pick them up so that we could finish their room?

There are days when I have to-do lists for my to-do lists and I want to throw my hands up in the air and cry mercy. I am only able to work part-time now as Jackson needs to be taken to school and picked up every day. I have weeks when I feel like I might as well rent a hotel room next to Vanderbilt because I spend so much time there. My husband and I have had one date night since the accident. Yes, you read that right. We have been unable to find anyone who is willing to spend time with Jackson. In fact, I have been unable to work this week except for 4 hours as the kids are home for spring break and I have had to stay home with them.

Does it sound like I am complaining? Perhaps I am some. And that is the point. This hasn’t been an easy adjustment for any of us. No, I am not perfect. Yes, I have moments when I actually consider running away like a child mad at their mom or dad. Yes, I believe that God has a purpose and a plan for our boys. I absolutely believe that someday Jackson WILL walk again. I know with every fiber of my being that Alex is meant to share the gospel and bring others into the kingdom of God. I also know that God has used me by sharing our story to bring others into his kingdom, to encourage others and give them hope.

What I hope that I am expressing is that just because I have faith it doesn’t mean that I am also not human. We all have emotions that we have to process. We make mistakes. We are allowed moments of self-doubt. I also think us women are allowed a pity party every now and then. What really matters at the end of the day is if you allow those moments to define you.

When I become overwhelmed with grief for Jackson, God reminds me how blessed we are to have this strong boy with us. To be around Jackson is to know happiness and peace. When I think about what Alex has had to go through, He reminds me that He is making Alex strong. He is allowing Alex to walk this journey so that he will be able to share what he has overcome and give him relevance with those he will someday be able to help. And on days when I am having a pity party and I think I couldn’t get any more tired, God reminds me just how blessed I truly am. I am a work in progress. I have come so far since the accident and have learned so much, but He still has to work a little extra harder on me.

It is okay to have doubts. It is okay to have moments of frustration. News Flash: You don’t have to be perfect!  Just don’t allow those moments to define your life. Use those times to seek God even more and allow Him to be the light in the darkness.

Love and blessing,

C.C.

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